Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Horror

There’s a kind of thin metal sheet with a large surface space that they use in small theaters
to imitate thunder.
I’m thinking about a stack of them, even thinner,
ones that make even more noise,
piled vertically at regular intervals just like pages in a book,
except that they’re not squeezed together, but held apart by some apparatus,
such that if I place you on the top sheet it will crack and explode
at the touch of your body’s weight.
You fall onto the 2nd sheet and it breaks too, even louder.

You fall onto the 3rd, then the 4th, the 5th sheet and continue to descend,
hitting the surfaces one after another in a drum roll
that becomes louder with speed,
running through a stage of heavy rolling thunder
eventually surpassing comprehension.

That’s the nature of horror’s grip.
Unlike dread, anxiety and fear,
it’s much closer to the terror which percieves Gorgon’s face
with bristled hair, screaming.
Dread is a suspicion of approaching destruction rather than conscious recognition of such,
wildly disturbing, though a diminishment of terror and horror,
and fear can go so far as to hold dialogue with hope.
Fright,
that’s what you feel when the first metal sheet cracks, and during the deadly fall
the drum beat and glaring red lights eventually cross the line
from warning to confirmation
as the event accelerates toward horror.

Try to imagine what goes on in that space you might end up falling through someday,
between awareness of imminent extinction
and its realization.





__________________________

unofficial translation of “Das Entsetzen” / Ernst Jünger

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Both Chump and Fool

Spending life as an artist w/out financial backup or a profit plan is for fools ; spending life stoically trading your time for wages that merely cancel the cost of living is for chumps. In trying to manage the time-finance balance as an artist I've somehow worked it so that I'll spend the rest of my life as both a chump and a fool. Shit. Is there any way to start this fucking thing over and try again?

Friday, November 19, 2010

What if Don Johnson was God? What would the answer to a Protestant prayer sound like?

A Fucker Praying
God, I know everybody’s eventually supposed to be christians, but you know it ain’t never gonna happen for everybody. People believe different shit, and some don’t believe nothin, and it seems like they’re doing fine anyway. But them conservative bastards & fancy TV ministers are fuckin up everything. As long as there’s even one person left that ain’t a christian, then they’ll keep blaming all our problems on everybody that ain’t kissin the church’s ass. Why do these fuckers get to use my government to try to up their numbers? Shit, ain’t your numbers good enough as it is? I pay my taxes & shit to the government and I go to church to get holy. Can’t you make them stop fuckin around with my town’s laws & my social life? Tell them there’s a lot of christians that want them to get the fuck out of my church and stop pretending they’re god or something.


God
Well well well, lookie what we got here, a mid-american protestant from the provincial ranks that’s beat the christpublican dogma rap. First things first, buddy, just cause Marty L. hooked you up a hotline to dial direct upstairs so I could understand your colloquial swill, that still don’t mean you’re allowed to say “fuck” when you’re talking to me. As for your conservative buddies, you nailed it on the head, they’re gonna fuck up everything. But I can’t change them or make them disappear, that’s out of my jurisdiction, I only work miracles that you folks won’t remember and can’t verify. It’s your job to pick your candy ass up off the pew & tell these fuckers they’re phonies, and if that don’t work then screw their church. Take a clue from the goddamned buddhists. Hell, they’re stealin all my thunder these days cause you dickoffs are so busy shoving your steeple heads up industries’ & churches’ & lobbyists’ asses that you can’t see nothin else but their two-bit propaganda through your stained-shit windows. Listen, yours truly learned something a long time ago way back before the earth was created that a lot of you blank slates still ain’t figured out: that old saying “There can be too much of a good thing,” well that goes for everything, even religion, and that goes double when you’re stuck in a mortal biological life. Sounds like you learned it too, and the hard way- one too many years in close quarters with your demographic bunkmates in a rationality cesspool. All right pal, your dime’s up. Keep your nose clean, & I’ll check you later.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Diary Entry - Includes Full Bibliography of Works Mentioned in the Noted Conversation

11/7/10. H and C evening guests – a very welcome visit as convalescence much slower than expected, brought soup, not hungry themselves - brought the books we’d discussed – J out for the evening - H informs me of facts about T Bernhard’s life & personality, what I would’ve expected, also I feel partial affinity w/ him now – C with some genuinely interesting ideas about showing my drawings & stories on apparel – both gracious & generous as always – discussion primarily about literature and society

___________________________________________

Bibliography of works mentioned in conversation w/ H and C:


Adel des Geistes : ein Vergessenes Ideal – Rob Riemen – (Adel van de Geest : een Vergeten Ideaal - translated from the Dutch by Waltraud Hüsmert)

Auslöschung -- Thomas Bernhard

Eight Cuts Gallery - at http://eightcuts.wordpress.com

The Equalizer - (Television program)

Freedom : a Novel -- Jonathan Franzen

In Search of Lost Time -- Marcel Proust - (A la recherche du temps perdu - translated from the French by Lydia Davis, et. al. ; general editor, Christopher Prendergast)

Interview am Zürichsee : Roman -- Bora Ćosić - (Intervju na Ciriškom jezeru, translated from the Serbian by Barbara Antkowiak)

Jeff Gabel 01 - (Catalog of an exhibition by Jeff Gabel at Spencer Brownstone Gallery, New York, Dec. 1, 2001-Jan. 19, 2002)

Kitchen confidential : Mestarikokin Tunnustuksia – Anthony Bourdain - (Kitchen Confidential : Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly - translated from the English by Leena Nivala)

Maddalena : Romanzo -- Carl Zuckmayer - (Salwàre oder die Magdalena von Bozen - translated from the German by Cecilia Calabresi)

Das Märchen der 672. Nacht -- Hugo von Hofmannsthal

The Moons Ride Over -- Carl Zuckmayer - (Salwàre oder die Magdalena von Bozen - translated from the German by Moray Firth)

Musta Torni II : Kolme korttia pakasta – Stephen King - (The Dark Tower II : the Drawing of the Three - translated from the English by Kari Salminen)

Novels in Three Lines -- Felix Feneon – (Nouvelles en trois lignes – translated from the French by Luc Sante)

Reise ans Ende der Nacht -- Louis-Ferdinand Céline - (Voyage au bout de la nuit – translated from the French by Isak Grünberg)

Reise ans Ende der Nacht -- Louis-Ferdinand Céline - (Voyage au bout de la nuit – newly translated from the French by Hinrich Schmidt-Henkel)

Reitergeschichte -- Hugo von Hofmannsthal

Die Ringe des Saturn : eine englische Wallfahrt – W.G. Sebald

Salwàre oder die Magdalena von Bozen -- Carl Zuckmayer

Schwindel. Gefühle – W.G. Sebald

Thomas Bernahrd : eine Erinneruing -- Krista Fleischman - (Film)

Ulysses -- James Joyce

Der Untergeher -- Thomas Bernhard

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Review of 2004 Exhibition at SBG by truegrit

I found this old review online by truegrit:

jeff gabel @ spencer brownstone - i know it's bad to romanticize an artist's lonely life (he was freezing in a garret!), but i can totally imagine this guy spending his days in some library - he does work a day job as a librarian - reading obscure books and musing about the nature of things, then berating himself for musing at all. or, maybe it's all just a put-on. the show consists mainly of scribbly little portraits, accompanied by bits of text describing the potentially awkward position that each person was in in that exact moment. a lot of the descriptions start out "some poor fucker who just..."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Someone with red hair who manages a restaurant

Bride Asking for Water at Reception

Bride with big face asking for water at reception where they have 2 kinds of meat as main dishes and one kind mixed with beans

Monday, August 9, 2010

Some Woman That Was at Her 10-yr. High School Reunion Last Month

Some woman that was at her 10-yr. high school reunion last month & got the award for the classmate that moved the farthest away from their town, & now she’s sitting there at the wedding dance party for her sister that most people think looks better than her, & she’s a little smarter than her too, and she’s looking over at her older relatives at another table staring into space & guesses that they’re figuring out at what point did their lives change from being an experience to a tradition, except that a few of them whose kids didn’t ever fit in with the rest of the family seem like they’re thinking the bride’s a bitch

Some fucker walking out of shower barefoot on pissy floor

Broker

20 year old broker from 1997 buckling his belt in his office before he goes to tell some other brokers that the boss in going to fire them

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Enets, pt. 1

Enets, pt. 2

Some Fucking Actor on a TV Series

Some fucking actor on a TV series arguing with his director & writers about a re-write during shooting on short notice so that, instead of a scene where he would’ve had to tell a woman with no self-confidence that she’s not very attractive and even when she was, he never loved her anyway, now he has to do a scene where he starts yelling at memories by name and swinging punches at them like they’re all real things flying around the room & then lay down on the floor & start crying, even though he’s made it clear that he won’t do intense crying scenes unless he has a 2 hour cushion to sip whiskey first

Monday, July 26, 2010

Young Artist in Studio


Young artist that’s in his studio right when he figures out he gave up everything he has for art & doesn't have enough money to make hardly any more works, and he’ll probably be lonely for a long time, so he just sat down in a chair and started crying

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

God's Plan

The war is god's plan : hell shroud of a famous war fanatic, minus the glasses

Proust and Gabel

Marcel Proust, from “The Prisoner”

The imagination that man would be happier, capable of a more elevated poetry, if his eyes could see more colors, his nostrils smell more perfumes, is a philosophical version of the naïve belief that life was more beautiful when, instead of dark suits, people wore sumptuous costumes […] just as an aroma, unpleasant itself, of mothballs and vetiver would have delighted me by restoring to me the pure blue of the sea on the day I arrived at Balbec,…


Jeff Gabel, from my ass

That’s because happiness and the enjoyment of, or any other reaction to beauty are subjective and internal, both emotionally and intuitively, and only stimulated by the objective and external, and so they can’t be reduced to something as shallow as the quantity of colors one is exposed to, even when color is the beauty-element at issue

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Swinger Interviewed on TV

Some guy telling the interviewer on a news program about swingers that his biggest fear in life is that he'll turn 80 and realize that he didn't get enough ramming in during his life

Monday, July 12, 2010

Career Artist from Turn of Millennium

Art is for wusses now, it’s turned into a career like every other career where you can assess input-items like effort, time, money, materials, & styles, independent of your primal motivations, against the efficiency expected in maximizing the quality & quantity of a set of recognition bytes, a trend probably largely a derivative of a wider tendency where everything, even personal faith & virtues, have reduced themselves to schemes for gaining personal experience & public credit, but in order to help anticipate and form a new world, still waiting to develop out of the destruction caused by people during the 19th - 21st centuries, whenever it finally ends, artists & writers & creators will be more necessary than ever, and it will take generations of them to make the amorphous raw material of the new earth visible and breathe life into new ancestors, and for this, creation of form needs to become fundamental again instead of a flaunt, embellishment, or decoration, and the earth needs to be re-attached to permanent meaning and redeemed from the senseless grip of machines, and the heavens filled with gods again. But to take part in this you need to have either the simplicity and unaffectedness of a child, or the power of a titan. I don’t have either one. I’m superfluous and fragmentary. I am so fucking over with

Thursday, July 8, 2010

House vs. Senate

Someone who it’s not impossible that he’s a U.S. House member if you go by how he looks, but he couldn’t be a Senator cause he looks like too much of a fuck up

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Light-Image that’s Trying but Having Trouble to Come into Vision

Light-image that’s trying but having trouble to come into vision because it has colors and shapes that don’t exist yet sent from people way in the future just before humans went extinct telling us not to get so worked up about the art deluge; cheap middle-class-like career artists and young overrated artists making expensive crap for bad Chelsea galleries in the early 21st century are not going to be remembered, because they aren’t original – they are to our time what overrated artists still copying impressionists or even what people making candles and pottery for tourists were to the times just before us – and we should’ve been able to figure that out by ourselves, but anyway, we shouldn’t even be worrying about whether art is fair or honest because there are bigger problems in the future like going extinct, but they're saying that humans are a bunch of fuckers so we know you won’t do anything about it now, but we hope you’ll pass this message down so people can see it at least when humans are near the extinction point